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A Letter to my Younger Self

Hello my lovely friends,

I hope this blog finds you well. I doubt I am alone when I say that much of this year has felt like a strange and surreal dream and that it’s pretty hard to fathom that it’s almost September. The trees lining the streets of my North London neighbourhood are already beginning to shed their leaves and the evenings have subtly started to grow cooler. It’s been around 6 months since the world changed and despite the easing of global lockdown restrictions and the slow relaxing of stringent rules, things are far from ‘normal’.

This past weekend I spent a lot of time at home, reflecting on the past year of my life. This was prompted by the fact that on Saturday I celebrated my one-year rebirthday. A rebirthday, in my case, is the day I got a new immune system and a second chance at life. It’s hard to believe that just over 365 days ago I was laying in hospital, having my sisters stem cells pumped into my veins. How incredibly comforting to be able to look back now and acknowledge how much healing has happened. A year ago, I was too weak to even walk. Now, I feel stronger and healthier than ever. All this reflection has got me thinking about my younger self and how I wish I could go back and reassure that scared, tired girl that everything would be ok.

I bet one day in the future we’ll all find ourselves wishing we could return back to this point in time and tell ourselves it’s all going to be ok. That everything will work out, even if it feels insecure and uncertain right now.

If you could go back, what would you say? What period would you go to? What would you want to tell yourself?

Let’s try a journaling exercise. Take out your journals and write a letter to your younger self. Thank yourself, compliment yourself, comfort yourself. Then pick another age and do the same thing. As always there are no rules to this. Through the simple act of writing to our younger selves we can connect with a parts of our psyche that we might have neglected or forgotten.

Here’s an excerpt from mine:

Dear Michelle (age 8)

I am so proud of the way you move through life. You are so adventurous and wild and carefree. I love how you climb every tree and swing from monkey bars and run around barefoot. I love how you stay up past your bedtime, reading books under the covers. I love your natural curiosity, your hunger for adventure and your love of the outdoors. You might think this adventurous spirit of yours will dissipate with time and age but it won’t, it’s going to stay with you forever.

-Me at age 8

Dear Michelle (age 19)

You’ve just officially left home to embark on your gap year. I love that you aren’t following the conventional rules of life. I love that you’re brave enough to leave behind everything and everyone you know and travel the world. I love that you’re still so innocent and naive yet, like most 19 year olds; you think you know so much. I wish you could see how beautiful you are right now. I wish you could love yourself the way I love you now. I wish you could see the boy you are so in love with is just a boy, he will break your heart but you’ll grow stronger for it. You will learn how to value yourself after this first heartbreak and it will change you. (Also… do me a favour and call your mum and tell her how much you love her.)

Dear Michelle (age 22)

I know you’re scared. I know you’re afraid. I know you have to deal with way more than the average 22 year old and it’s overwhelming. But I promise you it’s going to be ok. This illness will change your life forever and make you so much stronger.

Dear Michelle (age 24)

You’re amazing, did you know that? Look at you. You just survived cancer and now you’re back traveling through South America on your own. Do you know how brave you are? You still have such a curious, wild spirit and it’s going to take you so far. You’re about to have some of the most meaningful experiences of your life. Enjoy every moment.

Dear Michelle (age 26)

This is you from one year in the future. I know you’re exhausted. I know you don’t feel like yourself, I know life has been really hard but guess what? One year from now you’ll be healthy and cancer free and so independent again. One year from now this will all be just a memory and your hair will have regrown and your body will be strong and your mind calm and clear and everything is going to be ok. I promise!

Love Michelle (age 27)

Now, what if you could send a message to your future self, what would you say?
What would your ideal situation look like 5, 10 years from now? Where would you be living, what type of work would you be doing, who would you want to be sharing your life with?

For the final part of this exercise, write a short note to your older self.

Dear Michelle (age 35)

Hi future me. How are you? I can’t wait to meet you, although I’m not in a rush. I really just hope that wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, that you’re healthy and happy. I hope you are living with someone you love, someone who really loves every part of you, who challenges you and encourages you to grow. I hope you have spent the last few years of your life exploring the world. I hope you are writing for a living. I hope you still have that curious adventurous spirit (I know you do).

I am so immensely proud of you.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

xxx

If you fancy sharing your journal entry with us, you can direct message them to Natia on Facebook or Instagram or send them via email to conversation@natiacares.com by clicking the button bellow.