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Reflection on Adversity: Acknowledging our Resilience

Welcome to the second part of the Natia Cancer Journals.

This week’s theme is centred around the process of acknowledging how far we have come. We do this through a process of cataloguing all the difficult moments we have survived in our lives and recognizing just how much we have overcome.

Why look back?

Sometimes instead of looking back on everything we have been through; it feels a lot easier to try and forget about all of the painful stuff and focus our attention on what’s ahead. Looking back has the potential of unearthing some uncomfortable, traumatic memories.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a big advocate of not dwelling in the past. But I also feel strongly that recognizing our stories and everything we have been through is an essential part of moving forward. Often, we so easily become overwhelmed with life and all the new hurdles it presents and forget just how much we truly have survived to get here.

Personally, I love this exercise because it has helped me to cultivate a practice of self-love and kindness, something I’ve been particularly focused on during this year of healing whilst living alone in lockdown.

Societally, self-love can sometimes get a bad rap. It’s seen as self-indulgent or even vain. And yet, for me, learning to be kind to myself, to forgive myself and to be proud of myself has been one of the greatest tools I have learnt during my cancer recovery.

Before my initial diagnosis at age 22, my relationship with myself was one of deep-seated disconnect and even contempt. I didn’t value myself or my body, and this was reflected in the relationships in my life and in my own destructive behaviours.

It was only after going through cancer, that I started to understand the importance of loving myself and treating myself as I would a best friend. Now, I am constantly giving myself pep talks. I speak to myself like I would speak to my favourite person in the world. I love myself, scars and all.

The perspective I have now, as a 27-year-old, two-time cancer survivor, is one of love and deep pride. How could I possibly speak badly about a body that has carried me through so much? How can I hate a mind that has overcome so much psychological trauma and difficulty? How can I dislike this beautiful soul of mine that weathered so many storms and stayed resilient throughout it all?

-Portrait of me taken by a friend in the midst of treatment

I think this quote really hits the nail on the head:

“Nothing is better for self-esteem than survival.”

― Martha Gellhorn, Travels With Myself and Another

If there is any reason in the world to hold your head high and be innately proud of yourself, it is being a cancer survivor / warrior. And yet, often when we are struggling with our appearance, with changes to our mood and to our physical bodies, we forget all we have endured.

That’s why this particular exercise is so powerful:

Take your journals out and think back to the beginning, right back to your childhood. Now start listing out all of the difficult things you have faced and overcome, right up until now.

These can be smaller things like falling down and cutting your knee as a kid, breaking your arm or moving house, or big things like your parent’s divorce or finding out you had cancer. Whatever comes up, simply write it down. You can write everything, or you can just write down the memories that feel the most pertinent.

It doesn’t matter if you compile this as a list, a paragraph, a mind map or as unfiltered prose. With journaling the form is never important, what matters is the process of acknowledging your story.

Seeing it all down on paper, all the things you’ve overcome, it truly is a poignant and powerful exercise in realising your strength. It’s also a precious gift to give yourself on those days when you feel unworthy or that you are strong enough to make it through. All you have to do is revert back to this piece of paper, take a deep breath and remember.

You got through all of that and you will get through this too.

-Michelle

If you fancy sharing your journal entry with us, you can direct message them to NatiaCares on Facebook or Instagram or send them via email to conversation@natiacares.com by clicking the button bellow.